Put this book down and look somewhere else if you're in the market for a guide on how to mold your kids into society's little angels. This ain't that. It's the raw, unfiltered truth about fatherhood that'll have you clutching your balls in laughter and sheer terror. Welcome to "DADASS" - it's not your average boring parenting book, it's the real shit.

The epic saga begins in 2016, when my life got flipped-turned upside down. I went from being a vodka-breathing, headbanging, tour manager for heavy metal bands to a wealthy international barber who snorted more lines than a barcode scanner on a regular Tuesday. Oh, and did I mention I married a smoking hot adult star (that's the PG13 way of saying pornstar by the way) at 21 years old ? Yeah, I hit the jackpot, but not in the way you're thinking. I landed the dream job: becoming a f*cking badass dad to two amazing boys.

If you're standing there, book in hand, wondering if fatherhood's about to turn you into one of those soft, baby-talking, stroller-pushing zombies, or if you're already in the dad trenches, getting spit up on while your baby mama's got you on a leash in the bookstore's self-help section - this is your call to arms. "DADASS" isn't about the sugar-coated, Pinterest-perfect parenting crap that weak dudes are into. It's about the real Do's & Don'ts of getting that DADASS status.

So, if you've got the stones for it, grab this book, slap down your cash, and prepare to ride the rollercoaster that is modern badass daddying. You might learn something, or at the very least, you'll have a few good laughs before realizing what you've gotten yourself into. "DADASS" - because parenting is too important to take seriously all the goddamn time.